Backyards Aren't Used Much In America. Here's A Thought

You’re familiar with the acronym NIMBY aren’t you? You know, Not-In-My-Backyard - as in you can’t locate that new jail, road, gravel pit, coal port, etc. near my neighborhood. I had to deal with quite a few NIMBY types while working as a government right-of-way agent. Sometimes it seemed like the whole world was against almost everything. What exasperated me most was that people never seemed to realize that our country keeps growing and greater population leads to greater need for more public services (which they demand) and infrastructure.

It’s kind of surprising that the acronym NIMBY ever was born. Sam and I can’t think of any place in America less used than the backyard. It’s no wonder cities and municipalities everywhere are allowing higher-density building with smaller and smaller lots because we simply don’t use our backyards in this country. I can’t help wondering if that’s also true in other countries.

Just drive or walk through almost any American neighborhood, especially in the suburbs, and if you are observant you will notice kids playing in the street rather than in their backyards and adults sitting out in front of the house rather than using the patio they built in the backyard. And yet almost every backyard in suburban American is fenced off for privacy. What’s up with that?

Sam and I think that many backyards are fenced off so people can toss their unwanted junk out there. Kathleen and I were amazed a couple of years ago when we rode an Amtrak train to Portland and saw all the junk-cluttered backyards along the way. And we thought we were going to see some beautiful scenery. Nope. The scary thing is that many of those cluttered backyards probably contained detritus that wouldn’t fit in the garage junk pile anymore, We saw abandoned cars, washing machines, rusting swing sets, plastic bags full of garbage, broken down furniture and more. UGLY! Kathleen and I would like to ride Amtrak up to Whitefish, Montana, thinking that would be a more scenic route, but we’re a little gun shy right now.

Fortunately, Sam and I have come up with a use for backyards that would truly help our country. We’ve read with interest about all the nuclear silos in Montana and the Dakotas and other places. No doubt the Soviets and terrorist states have those silos well documented and locked in their sights. So, for the sake of national security, why not relocate those missile silos to suburban backyards? Our government could set some military people up in a nice house and put a silo in the backyard. The fact that the military types would be sitting out in front of their houses would totally fool the bad guys. If there were kids, they could play out in the street and no one would ever suspect what lay underneath the ground in the backyard. And hey, if people let their dogs poop all over the backyard who’d EVER suspect a silo site there?

Sam and I admit test firings could be a bit of a problem. Neighbors of the silo site would think the rumble in their houses was coming from an earthquake or something. But when they all ran out to the street to seek safety they would meet each other and get to know each other better and that would create a more close-knit community. Sounds like a win-win situation to me and little hairy barker.