Golf Mantra: Go In the Hole Little Ball. Go In the Hole

Dang! It’s raining again. No golf game today I guess. Not that I would play if it were nice out. I’m trying to decide these days if I’m going to play golf anymore. I’m tempted to quit because I haven’t been on a course in more than a year. On the other hand I have a nice set of clubs, I really enjoy being outdoors and even though I love Sam dearly, golf gives me the opportunity to go outside without him tagging along. On the golf course I don’t have to pick up his poop or listen to him bark at me for a treat.

But you know that old saying, “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” Mark Twain supposedly said that. I used to have such a hard time getting around trees and over water. For the longest time I never met a tree my golf ball hadn’t kissed. I didn’t fair too badly with sand traps - unless I tried to get out of one. Sorry to say, my anti-Christian cussing on the golf course would now be outlawed on Facebook.

The big problem with golfing in the Pacific Northwest is the weather. I’ve played in rain, hail, icy northeast winds - and those are just no fun. I’m a fair-weather golfer. If my nose is dripping, my hands are numb and icicles are dangling from my ear lobes I do not consider myself to be having a good time.

My best game occurred a few years ago in Redmond, Oregon on a 95-degree day when I actually scored an 89 (without handicap). That was an amazing day. The old couple I played with started calling me “Par Jim” about halfway around. Kathleen even had my scorecard from that day framed and she gave it to me as a Christmas present. Was that cool or what? I enjoyed golfing in Arizona too when the February temperatures there were in the eighties. I think I play better in shorts and tee-shirt with a little sweat on my brow and a cold beer in the cart. One of the best things golf course proprietors can do is send a cute young lady around the course to keep me refreshed - beveragly speaking. That takes the edge off my golfing angst a bit. I also enjoy being with good friends (or nice acquaintances) and enjoying a bit of warm camaraderie and something frosty after a game.

One of the bad things about playing golf is having to listen to advice from other golfers: “Keep your head down.” “Try to swing a little slower,” and so on. I hate being told what to do because of the way my mother ordered me around when I was a kid. I don’t like my wife telling me how to drive either, but that’s another story.

I’ve never had a hole-in-one; probably never will. My friend Gary got one once - dirty rat. When he and I first started playing together his clubs were so old and rusty, he swung at a ball and the head of his club came flying right past my head. Y’ouch!

There are so many beautiful golf courses in the world. I visited Pebble Beach one time and sure would like to play there. Hawaii has some beautiful courses too. I wish golf weren’t so expensive and didn’t take so long to play though. Those two things keep me from playing as much as I might want to - if I wanted to. I’m feeling a bit of an itch to get out on the course again so maybe I will. Wish Gary and my buddies Paul and Don lived closer. Love you men!