Facebook has been encouraging me lately to make new friends. One of the suggestions is Clint Eastwood. Is Facebook kidding me? I can see me sending a friend request to Eastwood and having him come back to me, “Do you feel lucky punk?” It would be great if he said, “Go ahead, make my day,” you know, in a nice kind of way. But I’m doubtful about that happening.
I’d probably have the same sort of luck trying to friend Robert De Niro. He’d say, “You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the f--k do you think you're talkin' to?"
Never mind Bobbie.
Maybe I could friend Johnny Depp or do you suppose he’d just say, "Fuh-get about it!" No big deal. Even though I like most of Depp’s movies, I think he’s kind of weird. On the other hand if he were my friend I’d probably get a bunch of women friends because they seem to go gaga over Johnny.
A few gaga women would be good.
Kathleen Turner might be a good Facebook friend even if she said, “You’re not too smart, are you? I like that in a man." I could play dumb if she wanted me (uh, I mean to be my friend).
If I tried friending Arnold Schwarzenegger he might just say, “I’ll be back. H’asta la vista baby” and terminate my account somehow.
I’d like to try friending Renee Zellweger. If I got really lucky she might say to me, “You had me at hello." Oh my! I’m suddenly having heart palpitations!
Unfortunately, the women I might want to friend, except Renee Zellweger, all sound pretty negative. I like Bette Davis’ quote, “Fasten your seatbelts—it’s going to be a bumpy night.” She sounds like an exciting new friend. Problem is, I’ve never thought of her as being very pretty, besides I think she’s not with us any longer.
Then there’s Susan Sarandon who said, “You get what you settle for,” and even though I’ve always thought of her as a total knockout, I don’t think I like the idea of being settled for.
Tom Hanks might make a pretty good Facebook friend. He likes all sorts of people “My Mama always said, 'Life was like a box of chocolates; you never know what (or who?) you're gonna get.'
I probably should adopt Clark Gable’s attitude about this friending business and just say, “Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"
I guess if all else fails I could do a Godfather thing regarding Eastwood. "I'm gonna’ make him an offer he can't refuse."
Now I just have to see if I can find some new Facebook friends for Sam. I couldn’t find any famous dog quotes for Sam though except that one where Lassie’s backing her fool head off trying to say, “Timmy’s fallen in the well!” I’ll keep working on it.
Uh, I’ll be back?
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