So many Viet Cong came at him during the battle that Tam knew he was fighting for his very survival. Before the battle he had wondered how he would perform. He had visions of being so terrified he curled up in a little ball and went crazy with fear, crying, wetting his pants, losing his mind. Fortunately, he remembered his training and did exactly what he was supposed to do. He didn’t see how he or anybody else was going to live through the hail of gunfire and explosions the Marine’s were encountering, but in split seconds he allowed the pent up rage that fear always engendered inside him to drive him forward.
As Tam ran toward an enemy foxhole, a VC soldier jumped up out of it and came straight at Tam, pointing his rifle at him, obviously aiming to stab Tam with a bayonet. Tam sidestepped the VC soldier enough to stab him first. He would never forget the feeling of stabbing the VC soldier, how the sharp point of his own bayonet at the end of his M-16 penetrated the man’s body so easily, but how hard it was to pull the bayonet back out. Tam twisted and tugged with all his might, trying frantically to remember how he’d been taught at boot camp to extract his bayonet. At the same time he was watching the pain and horrifying recognition that he was going to die etch itself across the VC man’s face. Tam knew he would never forget the look of fear that leaped into the VC man’s eyes and the quick recognition by the man that he had screwed up. Tam wondered if the VC man had believed in God or Buddha or someone who would guide him to Nirvana or his personal version of heaven. Tam hoped so.
He begged his own God for forgiveness that night. He had often wondered whether God really existed and if he did where the heck he was. After shooting the guy on South Fork Mountain, Tam had been exceedingly angry that God had allowed that incident to happen and that God had let Al’s stupidity and lust nearly ruin Tam’s life. After losing Katie Tam felt especially alienated from God.
But after killing the VC man in hand-to-hand combat in Vietnam Tam realized it was only by the grace of God that he was still physically alive. Part of Tam regretted that he had to take the VC guy’s life. But Tam was afraid of dying too so he did not to hesitate to kill.
As Tam ran toward an enemy foxhole, a VC soldier jumped up out of it and came straight at Tam, pointing his rifle at him, obviously aiming to stab Tam with a bayonet. Tam sidestepped the VC soldier enough to stab him first. He would never forget the feeling of stabbing the VC soldier, how the sharp point of his own bayonet at the end of his M-16 penetrated the man’s body so easily, but how hard it was to pull the bayonet back out. Tam twisted and tugged with all his might, trying frantically to remember how he’d been taught at boot camp to extract his bayonet. At the same time he was watching the pain and horrifying recognition that he was going to die etch itself across the VC man’s face. Tam knew he would never forget the look of fear that leaped into the VC man’s eyes and the quick recognition by the man that he had screwed up. Tam wondered if the VC man had believed in God or Buddha or someone who would guide him to Nirvana or his personal version of heaven. Tam hoped so.
He begged his own God for forgiveness that night. He had often wondered whether God really existed and if he did where the heck he was. After shooting the guy on South Fork Mountain, Tam had been exceedingly angry that God had allowed that incident to happen and that God had let Al’s stupidity and lust nearly ruin Tam’s life. After losing Katie Tam felt especially alienated from God.
But after killing the VC man in hand-to-hand combat in Vietnam Tam realized it was only by the grace of God that he was still physically alive. Part of Tam regretted that he had to take the VC guy’s life. But Tam was afraid of dying too so he did not to hesitate to kill.
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