Sam and I read an Associated Press article by Marilynn Marchione printed in our Sunday Olympian, about these ticks that bite you and leave a substance in your body that causes you to have an allergic reaction to eating meat.
Personally, we think this may a conspiracy plot by subversive vegans. They’ve been raising these ticks in secret and have now loosed them on our unsuspecting population. Why couldn’t the vegans breed some ticks that would make us allergic to Ebola or cancer or something really useful? No, they are so hell-bent on keeping us from eating cattle and poultry and pork and what not that they’ve lowered themselves to bug warfare. That really – uh – ticks Sam and me off.
And wouldn’t you just know, the tick in question is called the Lone Star Tick, named for Texas. Sam and I have been trying to tell you nothing good comes out of Texas; not bugs, not politicians, not nothing! Especially not Rick Perry.
Okay, so the rest of the story is that this lone star tick has been biting people, mostly in the Southwest and East (but it’s spreading) and quoting from the Associated Press article, “In some cases, eating a burger or a steak has landed people in the hospital with severe allergic reactions.”
Apparently, the lone star tick transmits this alpha-gal sugar that humans don’t have but which is found in red meat and even some dairy products. When you eat alpha-gal sugar that is normally present in your food, no problem, but after the tick bites you the body interprets this alpha-gal substance as something it should fight and next time you eat meat or maybe a dairy product, BREAKOUT!
Sam and I know this sounds totally bizarre, but if it’s in the newspaper it must be true. Right? The media wouldn’t lead us astray. And if it’s from Texas – well, “You got trouble in River City my friends!”
All you weenie almond milk and soy milk drinkers can use this new information as an additional excuse for not drinking milk too. You’re welcome. Sheesh!
Fortunately, the only thing that makes Sam and me allergic to meat is the price. Holy cow - uh – so to speak. Sam doesn’t drink milk, but I do. I was just remembering earlier today, because it’s so hot outside, when my mother used to take me down the street in Chester, CA. back in the early fifties, to Locatel's Market (I think that’s how they spelled it) to buy me nice cold chocolate milk. Yum. The place had wooden floors and Mr. Lockatel butchered lots of red meat there.
Sam does like cheese. I usually feed him a slice of cheddar every day for lunch. Then he likes a little Pup-Peroni to go with the cheese, a little drink of cold water and it’s nap time.
It’s a good thing that Lyme disease – also from ticks – doesn’t make you allergic to limes because then we might become allergic to margaritas. That would be a really bad thing hombres.
So what can you do to protect yourself? Quietly hiding under my blankey in a dark room with a can of OFF comes most immediately to mind.
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