Who Am I? Who's Asking and Why Do You Want to Know?

Watch out now, I’m going to be bitchy again. Poor Sam is looking at me from the floor, eyebrows cocked up at me like he’s saying, “Not again!” Waaalll, I try to be positive all the time, but some things just irk me off to the point I have to speak (no, not you Sam).

I get it that witty sayings, puns and pithy postings are sometimes worth passing on. I like them myself on occasion. But sometimes I swear my friends on Face book spend most of their day trying to find some online test to take that tells them what color they are or what animal they resemble or what celebrity they should be, what Games of Thrones woman they are, what two words describe them, what Death Eater (there’s a good one) they are and so on. I can only guess they subject themselves to these online tests because they don’t like who they are. At this point one might be tempted to say, “Well I don’t like you either” - you know, just to bet their goat. But I would never do that. I admit, however, that I have a difficult time holding my tongue which wants desperately to scream, “Who CARES!”

Here’s something I just found in my Great One-Liners book that could relate to that test “What Two Words Describe You?”

"Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought, where in hell is the ceiling?” How do you spell S--t-faced? Been there done that.

I don’t need to take any of those tests. Two words to describe me would be, “Incredibly sexy,” or possibly “Highly Intelligent.” Just pick one.

What kind of animal would I be? Maybe a horse’s behind. If I were a lady’s lap dog I’d probably be a Liksu upso.

I do think I might have lived another life in another century. I’ve felt for a long time like I once was a knight in shining armor, but I fell from grace because I pulled a Lancelot and requited my love for the king’s lady Guinevere (or whatever her name was). Unrequited love sucked and I’m pretty sure I was an Italian knight and went over to the dark side. Besides, when I pledged my liege (or whatever) to the king I didn’t say I wouldn’t joust a few rounds with his royal lady.

I know what kind of flower I’m not; it begins with a P and I don’t mean peony.

One Face book friend wanted to know what “Death Eater” character I was. Say what? I saw enough death on the highways of California to last me a lifetime. Saw a lot of motorcycle riders eat death when they hit a tree or pole or head-oned another vehicle. The head-on usually occurred when the motorcycle rider was driving HUA. The H stands for head and the U stands for Up. You figure it out the rest of the way.

I’m really tempted to say, “People! If you don’t have anything to say except ask me inane questions, don’t say anything. But then Face book might be empty and I’d miss my friends.

If I’m a celebrity I might be Michael Jackson, ‘cause I think I’m really, really bad. But God I hope not.