My Mind Is Sharp Enough, I Hate to Clog Up My Brain

I don’t need no more stinkin’ edumencation, thank you very much (Sam agrees, right Sam?). I have a bachelor’s degree why do I need anything else? Why do they call those cheepskins bachelor’s degrees anyway? When they first started handing out higher education diplomas was it only to young bachelors who could afford to go to school? I’ve had enough education to get me to retirement, why do I need anything else?

Well, according to scientists and doctors, as I approach my latter years I need to keep my mind sharp so I won’t become afflicted with Alzheimer’s Disease and so I can secure a good post retirement job (Approach my latter years? Heck, I’m coming in for a landing!). Humph! And I don’t want to work anymore! I keep my mind sharp by writing this blog. It takes a keen mind to consistently come up with pithy diatribes about things going bump and berserk out there in our big old world.

The AARP people advocate playing games to keep our minds sharp. I’m not fond of games though except “fetch” with Sam (if I could just teach him to fetch my legs might last a lot longer).

Anybody up for Whack A Mole?

A better alternative might be to take some classes at our local community college. Some of the offerings in the catalog I just received from South Puget Sound Community College sound interesting. How about making “Mosaic Home Address Plaques?” I’m serious, that’s a class. Is it just me or does that sound a lot like “Basket Weaving 101”?

SPSCC also offers “Introduction to Welding and Creative Metalwork” where I would “complete a small project to get experience using oxy/acetylene welding.” I don’t know though, that class sounds a little dangerous for anyone slightly accident-prone like moi. How about a cooking class like “Hands -on Blueberry Cinnamon Rolls?” That sounds pretty useful. The college offers Tai Chi and Yoga classes too, but I’d probably wind up tied in knots. It also offers “Beginning Belly Dancing” (what shape’s your belly in, remember?), “Alchemical Tarot” and “Communicate with Loved Ones Who Have Passed On.” I’m not going to take that last class though because I suspect if I contacted my dear-departed mother she’d just bawl me out for something.

The college offers gardening classes, bird watching, travel tips classes, language classes, flagger certification - which might be useful - nutrition classes, computer classes, and a whole raft of other things. It even offers classes on writing well. WELL, I don’t need that! One offering that really intrigues me is their “Rebel by Bus Adventures.” Quoting from the college catalog, I would, “Learn how to navigate greater Puget Sound transit systems for my leisure travels.” In other words, get the heck off the road you old redneck turkey. Question: why are seniors who step outside the nursing home and do things they always used to do called rebels?

Naw. I don’t think I need any more education. I’m plenty smart enough. And I’m not forgetful. If you don’t believe me, just ask my dog. What was your name again buddy?